“YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH”
Let me repeat that, “you are good enough to be yourself and do the things you want”
What thoughts pop up instantly when reading that and how does it make you feel?
Do you think YES, I AM!
or
are you like NO, I AM NOT!
This is an ongoing theme that keeps coming for me since my journey 7 years ago to build confidence and overcoming anxiety.
The recurring theme of feeling “not good enough” as I have learned was an internal thought and perception that was embedded in me as a child by my parents.
Don’t get me wrong, my parents were GREAT and did their best but certain events and childhood experiences led to me feeling that way about myself.
For me, not feeling good enough was attached to further beliefs that no matter how hard I tried I didn’t get what I wanted, and hence this led me to work harder, and still, I wasn’t satisfied.
Why?
Well because of the subconscious belief that I was not good enough. It was a subconscious belief because until 7 years ago I wasn’t aware of it but it pretty much was the driving force for me (to learn more about subconscious beliefs check out my other blog).
I used to think it was a perfectly normal thought and that actually it did help me and push me to be a better version of myself, however cliché that sounds.
Yet, despite being a normal thought in all of us, I found as I mentioned no matter how much I succeeded I struggled to find satisfaction and would constantly criticise myself. Furthermore, I was triggered when other people said something I perceived as negative about me, even if they mean it as constructive criticism.
This is where I kept wondering how can I be more satisfied and push myself without criticising myself and thinking that I am not good enough.
Surely, telling myself “I am not good enough yet” can’t be the only way to fuel my passion for growth.
Well, after years of learning to understand my thoughts/beliefs, where they came from, and what they meant to me. I finally starting to embody that feeling that “I AM GOOD ENOUGH” and even though I am not where I want to be in life, I feel more content with where I am right now and I know/believe in myself and know that I can reach that place I want to be in the future.
What I found is when I focus on feeling not good enough, even though it does fuel me to be better, I am still focusing on the negative part of myself. I focus on what I don’t have as opposed to being excited by what I want. Hence, I put myself down to fuel myself to go forward.
Now, despite this being amazing for my growth and despite growing TONNEs in the last 7 years, it is still HARD WORK.
Which caused me to ask another question, why does LIFE HAVE TO BE HARD?
This is an internal belief I always had and it stemmed from my childhood again (like most of us) and maybe even passed on from my parents as they definitely went through many hardships.
But it’s also that repeatedly portrayed in movies, social media, books, etc. There something about going through hardship and struggle everyone loves.
But do you really have to make life hard than it is?
Don’t get me wrong life is hard for many people but surely the perception that life is hard only makes us suffer more and makes it harder to push forward for more.
These were the thoughts that bubbled up for me as I delved deeper into my belief “I am not good enough”.
So, I started processing these thoughts using coaching tools I have learned over the last 5 years and then started challenging that feeling of being “not good enough”.
I found focusing on finding actual reasons that made me “good enough” that made me feel better about myself. Then when I focused on where I wanted to go in life, rather than focusing on looking at my lacks, I began looking at what STRENGTHS I have to get me to where I want to go.
The means being realistic with yourself and understanding you need to PUT IN THE WORK— but again putting in the work DOESN’T HAVE TO BE ALWAYS HARD.
Instead, it can be exciting and satisfying because you’re creating your future and you know constant INSPIRED ACTION will get you closer to your goals.
So, you’re embodying that feeling of being grateful for where you and focusing on enjoying the process and feeling satisfied. Because let’s face it, when you get the end goal, the feeling you often chasing is satisfaction and happiness.
This journey, however, won’t feel easy at first because you will have to FACE and ACCEPT emotions and beliefs that you may have not faced before. But if you have read up to this so far, I hope you will get the message that also it may not feel easy at first, you can make it an exciting journey because it means you will be growing and identifying hurdles that may be pulling you back and making you feel frustrated about yourself (yes I know this may also be confusing if you have never thought of it like this before).
So to summarise, if you’re constantly putting yourself down and feeling not good enough you will be frustrated, angry, or be triggered when other people say something negative about you (even if they mean it as constructive criticism).
Yes, you may move forward but that underlying feeling is still there but because you’re using it as fuel, then it’s harder to feel satisfaction or gratitude and, even if you do it’s short-lived.
Focusing on the feeling “that you are good enough”, finding examples in real life to prove this, and focus who you the person you want to become. is a different ball game. In this mindset, you’re focused on who you want to be and enjoying the journey.
You’re not frustrated when you get things wrong because you understand life is never rainbows and sunshine and you will have bad days.
You will have days when shit gets real, but you begin to realize life is full of contrast and the more you practice and live in gratitude and satisfaction the more at peace you will be and the more you may grow with ease.
Importantly to note, this doesn’t mean the feeling of not good enough will just vanish.
If it’s a childhood belief then it will always be part of your identity (which is perfectly normal) but learning to accept and acknowledge the belief, means you have more conscious control over it.
Hence, when you feel yourself feeling “not good enough” you can choose to not use it as a motivator and acknowledge the good things about yourself and practice gratitude and then make a decision based on a feeling of you are good enough to reach your goals
If you’re reading this and you’re one of those people who related to feeling “not good enough” and you always feel deflated and frustrated when things don’t go your way, then maybe start the journey of understanding where these beliefs stem from and focusing your attention on why you are good enough to help you feel more satisfied and content about your life.
Like I said it may feel hard initially (not to mention CONFUSING) and everyone has their own journey (I mean it’s taken me 7 years to make this realisation and embody it), but reflecting back today, I genuinely have loved the journey, the experience and the people I’ve met.
Thank you if you have gotten this far and read it all.
If you’re interested in 1 to 1 coaching with me, then drop me a message via www.jagunathsva.com.
My new 12-week AUTHENTIC EMBODIMENT coaching program is now open where I take you through this journey of identifying these negative beliefs and help you create the life you want.