Index

  1. Vulnerability definitions
  2. My introduction to vulnerability
  3. What has being vulnerability taught me?
  4. How can you start being vulnerable?
  5. Resources that have helped me become more vulnerable

1) Vulnerability definitions

  1. Oxford Dictionary: Vulnerability is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
  2. Collins Dictionary: Vulnerability is when someone who is vulnerable is weak and without protection, with the result that they are easily hurt physically or emotionally.

2) My introduction to vulnerability

Prior to 2017 if you had asked me what vulnerability I would have probably defined it something along the lines of being weak and exposed. It wasn’t something I thought highly of or I strived for until I attended a public speaking course by Michael Sokolin and Meissner acting class by The Salon Collective. Funnily enough, it wasn’t until these experiences that I realised I had actually been going through the process of vulnerability since the age of 21 on my own journey of personal growth.

Although I have previously attended public speaking courses, I attended Michael’s public speaking course as it was recommended by a friend and to personally help push myself outside my comfort zone. I consider stepping out my comfort zone an important aspect of personal growth and something I have been doing the last 4-5 years. However, this public speaking course was very different to other courses I had attended previously, as not only did it help me become better at public speaking but also as it helped me become more self-aware.

The public speaking course was split up into stage 1 (which lasted 5 weeks) and stage 2 (which lasted 8 weeks). Both the public speaking and Meissner acting course began with telling us to watch a video on TED talks by Dr Brene Brown. The title of the talk was “the power of vulnerability” and you can view the video by following the link below (in fact watch it before your continue!). Although I never had heard of Dr Brene Brown, after watching her TED talk I was immediately a fan.

Dr Brene Brown “the power of vulnerability”-  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

“Vulnerability is the core of fear, shame and lack of worthiness but the birth place of joy of creativity, belonging and love” –Dr Brene Brown

Throughout each week of the public speaking course, Michael would guide us through different tasks to help us feel more relaxed and teach us different aspects that are essential to public speaking. However, the main general them was always vulnerability. At the end of each session, we all had a chance to practice a speech we had prepared and we were encouraged to be as vulnerable as possible.

Now you would think this would be easy but standing in front a group of people you barely know and sharing something personal about you wasn’t at all easy. It was actually scary and discomfortable the first couple of times I did it. I felt people would look at me differently and think of me as weak. Going deeper I felt by being vulnerable, they would see all the flaws in me and I would not be worthy of their friendship. I spoke about different topics each week from losing weight, feeling insecure and depressed in the past, dancing as therapy, meditation and finding passion. Each time I initially spoke about myself I would look in the audience and often felt I was being judged or that they were not interested.

However, as each week went I realised these were just my own beliefs and I began to start to view vulnerability differently. After each speech, I found I connected with a lot of people in the course and it was interesting to see how really alike we are to each other. During the course as we became more vulnerable I became more in awe with other people’s courage to be vulnerable. They shared with me different stories about work, family life and how they went through heart-break, depression and anxiety. Furthermore, I found despite each one of us have different stories the underlying themes were all the same such as shame worthiness, being judged and self-love. Each one of us were going through our own battles in our minds and I also found that we all used not being vulnerable as a strategy to protect ourselves from pain and being hurt.

“Embrace vulnerability it is not weakness, it is our greatest measure of courage” – Dr Brene Brown

Me doing a speech during one of the sessions

Following the public speaking, Michael recommended trying out Meissner acting to help improve my public speaking. I have never been into acting but after looking into it, I thought I would give it a go and was curious to what it would entail.

The Meissner course was 5 weeks and I then went to weekly sessions. The classes I attended were mainly run by Lawrence Carmichael. The main task was called the repetition exercise which is done with one or more partners. See the below videos for an example.

Part 1- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsp2jry3YCc

Part 2- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lh4KulbAVw4

“The Meissner technique is a pathway to freedom in acting”

The goal of the exercise is to help the individual not overthink and instead focus more on their own spontaneous impulses, to help listen intently, absorb the environment and respond to it appropriately. Famous actors who have studied under the Meissner technique are Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton and Jeff Goldblum. The goal is to create an actor who lives in the moment, who is open and vulnerable. However, if you have ever met anyone who has practised the Meissner technique you will understand this not an easy task. Over the past year through attending these classes, I have found myself really pushing myself outside my comfort zone. However, by doing this, it has further helped me grow, be vulnerable and in return form better relationships with people around me.

3) What has being vulnerability taught me?

  1. Vulnerability has allowed me to face my own imperfections and appreciate that others peoples “imperfections”.
  • Being vulnerable has helped me to slowly remove the mask of who I think I should be and trying to look perfect. It’s made me be more comfortable expressing my opinions and feeling with others. During the Meissner and public speaking classes there were times I was way too “polite” and “nice”. These characteristics were developed in me throughout childhood and although they aren’t bad traits, I used them as a mask to not truly express how I feel at times. I learnt this largely through Meissner acting, where at times I wouldn’t let myself be angry in the repetition exercise because I didn’t want to upset my partner. However, when I did stop being polite, I found so much more emotion erupt out of me and in fact I connected more with my partner.
  • Furthermore, seeing other participants of the public speaking course and Meissner course express their feelings and stories made me realise that everyone is going through their own struggles and not as perfect as you would think, or as they would make out to be. Plus it helped me not to judge people because they sin differently than you. We all have them.
  • It made me realise that I was actually judging people without really knowing anything about them and sometimes categorizing them as either “better than me” or “not good as me”. Hence, when I saw their vulnerable side it made me realise we all have so called “weaknesses” and “imperfections” but that’s what actually makes us unique and human. In fact it made me like them more.
  1. Being vulnerable has helped me form better connections and relationships with others
  • By sharing my feelings and being open with others I have found so much more of a connection of others. I have been able to strengthen old relationships and also for new exciting relationships.
  • I’ve learnt that people relate with each other because they too are human and also everyone has their own battles.
  • I’ve personally always found it hard to be open with people in the past, even with existing friends. However, through being vulnerable I found my connections with others so much stronger and meaningful than before, I was able to talk about things I had never done before such as my fears and “weaknesses” and they did the same.
  • Furthermore, vulnerability has helped me understand others better and looked past their so called “imperfections” and solve any difficulties in my existing relationships. In fact these days I prefer vulnerable conversation with other people compared to artificial, surface level conversations #realtalk.

“We all need somebody to talk to. It would be good if we talked; not just pitter-patter, but “real” talk. We shouldn’t be so afraid, because most people really like this contact; that you show you are vulnerable makes them free to be vulnerable. It’s so much easier to be together when we drop our masks.” –Liv Ullmann

  1. Vulnerability has helped me to be more open with others
  • As I mentioned above, being vulnerable helped me be more open and expressive with others. This ultimately helped me be more authentic and honest with myself. Of course, not everyone will agree with me, but I am totally fine with that.
  • One thing I found was as I began removing my mask and being more open about my so called “demons/weaknesses” I started viewing them less as “demons” and caring less about them. My main “demon” was being scared of judgement but the more I began to be vulnerable the more this fear began to disappear. I now feel less inclined to disguise my “demons”.
  • Ultimately it’s helped me express my feelings instead of suppressing them, feel more connected to myself and feel more self-love.

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” -Criss Jami

  1. Vulnerability has given me the courage to face fears and conquer fears
  • The more vulnerable I have been the more confidence I have gained in being open. I used to have social anxiety which has started to melt away and I have more confidence than ever before. Sure I still have fears that show up in my mind but I now more strength and courage to move forward and not let them take over.
  • Vulnerability has further helped change the way I perceive myself in a much more positive way. This has been highlighted to me how I carry myself in daily life and in my interaction with others.
  • Vulnerability has also helped taught me to start valuing my own opinions and values and to stand by them. In addition, it has helped me to ignore those opinions and values that don’t serve me.
  1. Ultimately I have learnt vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength that really does create a pathway to confidence, love and better relationships
  • Vulnerability isn’t easy; it will take continuous practice and courage. But the more you do it and “expose” yourself, then the more learn to have conscious control over it. Furthermore, when we stop pretending everything is okay and instead and express how we feel, it really is a liberating and therapeutic feeling. As you step outside your comfort zone and be more vulnerable, it will gradually result in you becoming more authentic and it will create more love for yourself.

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. the new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.”– Stephen Russell

4) How can you start being vulnerable?

The following examples are of things I have personally tried. I know some of them may sound hard but always start with one small thing and keep doing that and this will help create momentum to do bigger scarier things.

  1. Write down you fears and insecurities. Slowly take baby steps in facing them and sharing them with others.
  2. Next time sometime asks how you are, take a moment and In return share how you genuinely feel. This one is really good I learnt from Meissner classes. You will be surprised at how you automatically say you are “good” and “alright” when you’re actually not.
  3. Talk to a friend or family member who you feel comfortable with and be open with about any concerns you are going through. Show them a side of yourself you haven’t shared with anyone else. You don’t have to share everything, just one thing to start with. For example tell them about something you fear or are ashamed about.
  4. Say hello, to random person and ask how they are and genuinely listen to what they say. This may be at your local shopping centre, corner shop or train station.
  5. Phone someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and ask how their doing.
  6. Share your pain, shame, fears, successes, and proud moments publicly via twitter, blogging, YouTube or Facebook.
  7. If you don’t know something in class, at university, at work or at the gym ask for help or advice. Do this even if you feel embarrassed or if you don’t want to look “stupid”
  8. Ask someone you like on date or for their number. Especially when you are scared of rejection
  9. Share how your feel whilst those feelings are happening. i.e. if you’re doing a presentation and are feeling nervous, tell the audience you are nervous (you’ll be surprised to see how much less anxious you become).

5) Resources that have helped me become more vulnerable

  1. Michael Sokolin public speaking courses.
  1. The Salon Collective Meissner acting
  1. Dr Brene Brown Ted talks and Books
  1. The vulnerability challenge