“Life is way too hard and unfair, why is so hard to speak to and date a girl”
 
This is the thought I would have as a young teenager in my early 20s. I never understood why and it frustrated me so much.
 
Every time I spoke to a girl, I would blush, sweat, get nervous and get stuck in my head and not know what to say. I lacked both courage and confidence and it was mentally fatiguing.
 
I would watch my friends in relationships around me and some of them made it looks so easy. But when I asked them how did it, they couldn’t give me an answer.
 
And so, I spent a long time just watching and dreaming that someday the “perfect” girl would just walk into my life. Yes, you read that right.
 
I was the typical nice guy and, I just couldn’t connect or find a partner.
 
Don’t get me wrong, there were times when I would get the opportunity to meet someone new but I would literally go blank in my head or blush and just ruin the conversation…and before you know the girl would walk away and I would be standing there thinking how the f*ck did I ruin that conversation;
 
As each year went by, I felt the pressure of getting older got to me, and felt ashamed, embarrassed, and like a “loser”.
 
It was both frustrating and depressing. This only added to my low self-worth and low confidence.
 
It was around the age of 22, however, I decided I was done with this feeling. There was no way I would let my life get away like this and I no longer wanted to grow up with this regret.
 
I stopped asking my friends and family for advice and decided to go out and read books and attend workshops to really understand how I can change my life around. At this time, I was also on a journey of losing weight (over 2 years I lost 30kg+) and finding a career I was passionate about. These were additional factors that I allowed myself to believe meant I wouldn’t be seen as attractive when dating. It took a while but things slowly started to change.
 
After about 2 years I started to realise that all this time I had deep internal beliefs that I had not addressed. It was causing me to not feel anxious but also stopping me from being more open and expressive.
 
Some of the core beliefs that were holding me back included
– Fear rejection
– I was stupid/a loser
– I don’t like deserve love
– I was not good enough for anyone due to being fat (even though I had lost weight at this time)
– I was not “man” enough
– I was scared to be vulnerable and expressive
– I couldn’t be myself because that was not good enough
– The relationship would end and I would be rejected
 
Suddenly It all made sense. All this time I was so focused on trying to lose weight, look better with clothes, have a sharp hairstyle, and learn cheesy pick-up lines. All these things externally made some difference and I did go on more dates, but, the truth is internally I lacked confidence due to the deep-rooted beliefs within me. The external factors were just the cherry on top of the cake.
 
It wasn’t until made the internal changes that everything changed. I was connecting and going on more dates than ever before and I finally felt I could be myself. My confidence was growing and I believed in myself more than before.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I did go out and take action to meet new people and women but it was much more effortless after the internal changes. What’s more, I was so much more connected and aligned with myself that when someone didn’t like me, I didn’t take it personally and I wasn’t upset with myself.
 
And now I am in a beautiful relationship learning every day to open my heart more and growing more and more, each year.
 
If you have read this far, this post wasn’t me boasting but me telling you that you can make a change in your life and bring in your ideal partner or even just start going on more dates with people aligned with you. You don’t need to be anyone special and you don’t need to be “lucky” in life.
 
But you do need to change your approach. You need to be able to change your deep-rooted beliefs so that you draw in people more aligned (this also means they won’t always look like or seem like, what you think they will look like).
 
Without the deep internal changes, even if you take relentless action, the chances are you end up in the same place over and over again, even though externally you might have more money, better clothes a better job, or a house.
 
The path to dating more, and finding your ideal partner starts within you. Change your beliefs = change your life.